'I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop
Saturday, March 03, 2007, 1:28:00 AM
Don't even ask me,i am not in one piece right now.And it happened again,today,what happened yesterday happened again.And i was speechless,i couldn't help it.I never,in my wildest dream expected it to happen again.Its the same feeling,i know its gonna happen.And it did.The moment that eye of his look at me,with that smile.I know.I really really know that it wasn't a happy one.It just hit me right in my face.And i at that moment,think i really suck.Even till now.Now,i know,he'll go mute.Forever? ;(
I don't know what to say,what to do,how to react,how to talk,how to explain,how to face it this time.
THIS,is reality.
Things doesn't always go your way.And i still wish,wish,wish.It was just a dream.A dream i never wish for it to come true.I can't explain i can't,its just too difficult to accept this.
Its just unbelievable,i know its going to happen.I know,but yet,i tend to tell myself,it won't.And now when it happens.I feel so stupid,so useless,so evil.
Tell me,how can this happen two days straight,continuously.Its just a scene i know he wouldn't like,and i know i wouldn't too.First,it wasn't as bad as i thought,now,the second,so much worst.
I blame myself for this.I don't know why.Am i supposed to accept this.
I am confused,what am i to do now.I tried.
You don't know how it feels to be me,right now.Its just the most hideous thing that can happen.And i hate it so much.I become one dumb,mute girl.
I feel small.I feel worthless.
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE BUT TO SIT DOWN AND REFLECT AND JUST LET THIS TEAR DROP AND DROP TILL I GET AN ANSWER.TILL I KNOW THAT ITS OKAY.TILL I KNOW THAT HE UNDERSTANDS.
i wish he know,how much i miss him,how much i treasure him,till now.Even after so much.SO MUCH.But why can't he just understand?
Apologies to Atiqah especially.I am so sorry.I didn't mean it.And the rest of the guys,i am truly sorry.I couldn't think of what to do next but to walk away and stupidly cry.Really,i feel bad. :(
Here I am standing on my own
Not a motion from the telephone
I know not a reason why
Solitudes a reason to die